When someone pays you a compliment, we have all at one time or another deflected it or we have just embraced it and accepted it.
It is hard to know what you should do. Michelle compliments Del, "You look great today!" Del could respond to the compliment in many different ways. One option would be to deflect the compliment by playing it down, "Oh this old thing." Or she could just say "Thank you!" Which do you think is the most appropriate response?
There are many interesting dimensions to how and why we receive compliments in a certain way. There are also a variety of motivations for giving a compliment.
The proper way to receive a compliment was definitely not taught at school! There is a perception that if you just accept a compliment you are possibly vain or full of yourself, as some how "Thank you" translates to "Yeah, I do look good!" However, it is about time to discuss whether this is a reasonable perception or not.
We all like to receive compliments. It is positive reinforcement that we have done something "good" and that it is being recognized by our peers. Whether you are looking for that positive reinforcement or not, having someone say something nice to you makes a person feel good.
It is hard to know what you should do. Michelle compliments Del, "You look great today!" Del could respond to the compliment in many different ways. One option would be to deflect the compliment by playing it down, "Oh this old thing." Or she could just say "Thank you!" Which do you think is the most appropriate response?
There are many interesting dimensions to how and why we receive compliments in a certain way. There are also a variety of motivations for giving a compliment.
The proper way to receive a compliment was definitely not taught at school! There is a perception that if you just accept a compliment you are possibly vain or full of yourself, as some how "Thank you" translates to "Yeah, I do look good!" However, it is about time to discuss whether this is a reasonable perception or not.
We all like to receive compliments. It is positive reinforcement that we have done something "good" and that it is being recognized by our peers. Whether you are looking for that positive reinforcement or not, having someone say something nice to you makes a person feel good.
When someone pays you a compliment, generally it is best to just say "Thank you." Playing down the compliment can lead to an awkward moment, which could lead to a compliment trap, which is were two people go back and forth with compliments. If you want to pay a compliment to the other person, make sure it is genuine! First accept the compliment and then you can go ahead and give a compliment to the other person.
Why do you think many people give compliments? You really like something that someone has said, did, wearing, etc. You are looking to make a connection with someone and feel a compliment might help with that. Maybe you are giving the compliment because you need something from the person and feel it is a good lead. There is discussion that women sometimes pay other women a compliment to make them feel uncomfortable by making them the focus of a conversation. Whatever the reason/motivation, knowing how to gracefully receive that compliment can make the best of whatever the situation.
Why do you think many people give compliments? You really like something that someone has said, did, wearing, etc. You are looking to make a connection with someone and feel a compliment might help with that. Maybe you are giving the compliment because you need something from the person and feel it is a good lead. There is discussion that women sometimes pay other women a compliment to make them feel uncomfortable by making them the focus of a conversation. Whatever the reason/motivation, knowing how to gracefully receive that compliment can make the best of whatever the situation.
Have you been fishing recently? We cannot talk about receiving and giving compliments without mentioning the fact that we, at times, do fish for those positive compliments. Have you done something (dressed up, gone above and beyond for a dinner party, exceeded expectations at work or at school, etc.), and really needed or wanted some recognition of that? How do you get that recognition? Is this a function of how we have been conditioned from a young age where we need someone else telling us we did good job and get a gold star in order to feel the satisfaction with our actions?
I know I am a deflector, but I am going to start just accepting the compliment and thanking the person. It does feel good when someone has something nice to say, when it is genuine! Lets all put positive energy out there for each other.
So how do you like my blog so far? (wink wink nudge nudge...!)
Best,
MJ
